


Alone

by agoldengalaxy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:47:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoldengalaxy/pseuds/agoldengalaxy
Summary: “Promise me you will train the boy.” Qui-Gon’s voice is raspy and he is clearly struggling to speak.“Yes, Master.” Obi-Wan speaks without thinking, wanting to do anything, anything to relieve his master of his pain, wishing there was more time, wishing there was more he could do as a tear rolls down his cheek.
Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> guess who rewatched the phantom menace! also I saw a post asking “how long did obi-wan sit there after qui-gon’s death” and I thought ouch, so I wrote this :)
> 
> kudos/comments always appreciated!

“It’s...it’s too late.”

“ _ No!” _

The cry that tears through Obi-Wan’s throat is almost subconscious; immediate. He can’t accept what’s happening. “Obi-Wan, promise…”

But even as he’s bringing Qui-Gon’s head into his lap, cradling the older man close to him, his heart is sinking. It’s a bad feeling like nothing he’s ever felt before. 

“Promise me you will train the boy.” Qui-Gon’s voice is raspy and he is clearly struggling to speak.

“Yes, Master.” Obi-Wan speaks without thinking, wanting to do anything,  _ anything _ to relieve his master of his pain, wishing there was more time, wishing there was more he could do as a tear rolls down his cheek.

Qui-Gon reaches up with a shaky hand, clumsily wiping the tear the best he can. “He...is the chosen one,” he manages, words coming short, “h-he will bring balance.” His eyes are glassy now, and Obi-Wan can feel him fading.

“Train him.” It’s soft, barely there. And his eyes finally close, his head going limp - but Obi-Wan catches it before it can turn away from him.

The young Jedi’s breaths hitch as he brings his master’s face closer, resting their foreheads together. Closing his eyes, tears begin streaming, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

How could he have let this happen? This is his fault. He had been stuck behind the shield. If he hadn’t been, Qui-Gon would still be alive.

A hopeless, guttural sob escapes him and his grip on the man’s head tightens. 

He now knows why the Jedi Code says there are to be no bonds to others. Qui-Gon was like a father to him; he pushed him, trained him, was infinitely kind when others were not. It is dangerous. Feeling the grief he feels now, he can feel the pull to the dark.

It is cold and unfamiliar, and he’s not sure if he likes it. He wants to open his eyes, but seeing Qui-Gon’s limp face may make it worse. Pausing, he takes a moment to breathe; through his tears, a shaky breath emerges - and he can hear Qui-Gon’s voice echoing in his mind from years ago, when he first began his training.

“ _ Fear, anger, grief...all of these are negative emotions, and if you choose to focus on them, they can bring you closer to the dark side. You must keep grounded, patience, and courage, and you will be a fine Jedi Knight, Obi-Wan _ .”

Another sob escapes him, cradling Qui-Gon closer. He’d struck down Darth Maul with grief and anger in his heart - but he is refusing the pull.

Obi-Wan doesn’t want to go to the dark side. He has a promise to keep.

It seems like hours pass, though in reality he’s sure that it’s only an hour. Soon enough, he is no longer alone. “Obi-Wan!” There are rushing footsteps, but the Jedi does not look up. His shoulders still shake with silent sobs - and he still refuses to open his eyes. That would make it even more real.

The shields that had prevented him from running into the room beforehand are disabled - he hears their hum reduce to silence.

He can sense a few others. They are friendly, and familiar; wherever the Sith came from, he did not have backup.

With great difficulty, he forces his eyes open, and as he’d thought, the sight of his master’s limp form sends more tears rolling down his cheeks. But he quickly tears his gaze away, looking up at who’d found him.

Padmé stands, with a hand over her mouth in shock. Captain Panaka has taken off his hat, looking solemn. And Anakin - the boy Obi-Wan has promised to train in Qui-Gon’s last moments. Anakin stands beside Padmé, eyes wide and fear clear on his face. He blinks a few times, then turns, rushing out the way they had come as he drags an arm across his eyes.

The other two seem to know better than to ask the details. They can talk about this another time.

Panaka slowly kneels down, meeting Obi-Wan’s tearful, desperate gaze. All Obi-Wan wants is for this to be some sick dream - but he’s definitely awake, and this is reality.

“We must be going, young man.” Panaka’s voice is gentle, but firm. “There’s nothing more we can do. Come on.”

Obi-Wan instinctively holds Qui-Gon closer, perhaps a bit protectively, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut again. “No!” He knows it’s childish; he’s aware that his master is gone, and his body has been growing cold in his arms, but he doesn’t care. He can’t leave him.

There’s a few more quiet footsteps. “Captain Panaka.” Padmé’s voice is soft, but perhaps a little strained. “You must help Obi-Wan carry Qui-Gon back to the ship.”

Obi-Wan opens his eyes again, and although clouded by some tears stuck on his lashes, he can see Padmé’s eyes are watery, too. Her hand is on Panaka’s shoulder, who nods solemnly. “Yes, your highness.”

Panaka stands and comes around to kneel beside Obi-Wan, where he patiently loosens the Jedi’s grip on his master. His sobs continue, but he does not argue. He knows they need to leave. And Qui-Gon deserves a proper service.

Despite feeling rather weak, Obi-Wan helps Panaka lift Qui-Gon, and together they walk slowly. His arms shake a little, not with the weight, but with his grief; but he pushes on, because that’s what Qui-Gon would want.

By the time they reach the ship and secure the body, they’re all ready to go back to Coruscant. Padmé offers Obi-Wan a handkerchief, which he takes with a shaky, “Thank you,” trying and failing to smile. As Obi-Wan steps out, Anakin runs in to hug Padmé.

He needs to be alone. Regain his composure before he faces the Jedi Council - even though he’s sure they could feel the disturbance, and they probably know of Qui-Gon’s death already.

Sitting in the corner of the back of the ship, he sinks down to a seated position, pulling his knees in close. He knows that Qui-Gon is secure down below, and all he wishes is for him to be alive and well beside him. Together. Like they have for years.

But now he’s alone. And all he feels is empty.

All of a sudden, the door slides open, and Anakin steps inside, blinking a little. “Mr. Obi-Wan?”

The title almost makes him laugh. Almost. “Just Obi-Wan is fine,” he replies quietly, and Anakin takes a few more cautious steps forward. His eyes are dry now, but they’re still a little red.

“I thought you could use some company,” the boy says innocently, and Obi-Wan can’t help but be a little taken aback.

This ten-year-old, who he barely knows, wants to try and comfort him. If it were anyone else, Obi-Wan might shoo them away. But this boy would soon be his padawan - whether the Jedi Council approved or not. “Thank you.”

Anakin sits beside him then, sighing quietly. “I’m sorry,” he says after a few moments pass. “I know you were really close.”

Obi-Wan clenches his jaw, nodding a little. “Yes. He was like a father to me.” It’s still rather foreign to refer to him in the past - and he doesn’t like it.

“He thought you were amazing.” The boy speaks up again after a moments’ silence, looking up to meet Obi-Wan’s gaze. “He said so.”

The Jedi feels his heart clench, and the lump in his throat return. “Well, I know he thought very highly of you, too,” he says, though his voice breaks and he looks down again, closing his eyes.

A small hand places itself on Obi-Wan’s arm. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

He lets the words wash over him for a moment, then picks his head up to look at the boy, meeting his sad gaze.

_ He is the chosen one. He will bring balance. _

Obi-Wan isn’t quite sure if he’s ready to be a master, but that doesn’t matter. Anakin will need him, just as he will need Anakin. He sniffs, then manages a small smile. “I’m sure you’re right.”


End file.
